Worst Tumblr Ever. | On relationships

On relationships

I see stuff on this website about relationships literally hundreds of times a day. Stuff about is being single good or bad?, are soulmates real?, on again off again relationships, do opposites attract? should I look for another me?, messy break ups and whose fault is it anyway?

I have some thoughts on the subject. Now, when I say that I should clarify, I mean, I have some dumb thoughts on the subject because I’m about as far from an expert on the topic as there is but there is something that I would consider myself an expert on… peanut butter.

Sometimes I think it’s good to think of yourself as peanut butter. Peanut butter is great alone, sometimes too good, to the point that you think you’d be okay living the rest of your life in a cave that somehow gets cable, wearing only a robe and slippers, with just a spoon and unlimited jars of peanut butter. It’s good to know that you can handle just peanut butter. It’s important. If shit hits the fan you can handle a peanut butter diet.

That said, it’s good to get out there, see what’s what. The important thing to realize is that tons of shit tastes good with peanut butter. That dude you work with that files his taxes way in advance and has never thrown his shirt anywhere but his hamper after taking it off, you know? Celery? He and you can taste pretty good together. That chick you know from class with the really sugary, sweet personality who has that laugh that makes you laugh and you can’t tell if it’s with her or at her? Imitation marshmallow fluff? Yeah, she goes pretty good with peanut butter, too.

Sometimes you’ll meet someone and get together and the first time it’s amazing, purely physical, hot, sweaty, a little greasy? A hamburger from one of those weird burger shops that does crazy toppings. That’s not something that you can handle all the time though, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But it’s probably bad for your heart if you have it all the time. Maybe you even have less traditional interests and feel like going home with a whole bag of sliced apples. Everyone’s got their thing. It’s whatever. Don’t sweat it.

And then sometimes you’ll meet someone that seems great on paper, your best friend (cheese) totally vouches for them, they are popular and come from a good background but then you realize that turkey and peanut butter don’t go that great together. That’s not saying anything about either of you, it doesn’t make either of you a a bitch or a douchebag, sometimes things just don’t work out. And you’ll have your “type” coming home from dozens of first dates with a wide variety of jams and jellies and sometimes it’s perfect, sometimes it’ll really, really work out and it’ll seem like you are destined to be together. But you aren’t. You work out because you get along and have great chemistry and taste great together, not because you are fated to be together despite what everyone might tell you. But you aren’t, so if it doesn’t work out don’t think everything is lost, because you taste good with bananas too! And besides, there are probably tons of good homemade jams for your mom to hook you up with. But don’t forget, peanut butter is totally still delicious alone.