I found this out a few months ago and every once in a while it comes back to me again.
(Harold is my middle name, you guys.)
Sometimes I’d be sitting around and wonder how much my life is changed by what first name ended up being my common name, not even so much as “What if my parents named me Bronco?” or something like that but more like… “What if instead of Josh I insisted on Joshua?”
Or what if I went by Harold, Harry, or Hal?
How much of how you identify yourself is carved out by your name?
Sometimes when I get headaches I get existential. Sorry guys!
I just spent two minutes publicly fumbling with it, followed by three more minutes covertly working on it under the table, which preceded an additional final minute with it on my lap as a I feverishly peeled at it before I was able to get the plastic off of my drink and my drink open, in the library.
A quick eyeball polling of the room informs this young man that his peers are very impressed.
Whenever I feel empathy or second hand embarrassment for strangers, it's never because I imagine myself in their position. It's because I imagine someone that I know really well, and like, in their position.
So, my apartment complex sends its maintenance guys around every few months to switch out the old filters on the vents in the kitchen/living room for new ones. They usually knock on the door, say hello, and then let themselves in and quickly change it. Usually taking no more than 1-2 minutes from when they enter to when they leave.
I tell you that information to explain this story.
As, I leave my bedroom in nothing but boxers, about to make the 2 second walk to the laundry room that is connected to our kitchen I am thinking about the song that was playing in my earphones seconds earlier. The song was playing into my ears preventing me from hearing any knocks on the door, or hearing anyone saying “Hello?”.
You guys see where this story is going, right? No surprise ending here.
It certainly seemed like the maintenance guy was pretty surprised, however, when he saw a bearded man in boxers walk into the kitchen singing “Hey, boy, I really wanna see if you can go downtown with a girl like m-OH MY GOD! Hey, sorry I didn’t hear you come in. Yeah, yeah, no, I know.. the filter, yeah. Ok, well thanks. bye.”
"baby girl". Hate it, unless it is after one of the following phrases: "Oh man, I just gave birth to a…", "oh man, the person I got pregnant gave birth to a…", or "I’m a doctor and oh man, I just delivered a…"