December 2011
Can anyone explain to me what I'm supposed to do...
I want to better understand social networks before 2012 starts so I know what everyone is doing when the world ends.
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I could see 28 Days Later a billion times and...
Top three 1st half hours of all horror movies.
How has there not been a Quantum Leap remake?
Please don't be offended when I refer to your...
Honestly, to me, everyone is an “it” until they are old enough to do me favors.
Anonymous asked: What is the name of your third nipple?
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Spotify:
Me:
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Sometimes my roommate and I talk about what would...
to find smeared in blood on the walls of a crime scene. My current favorite is “I JUST WANTED S’MORES!”
One time in elementary school a girl told the...
This was like in 3rd grade. During the last week of school we had a big going away party for her during class and all of her friends hugged her and cried, gave her cards, and what have you. Fast forward 3 months or so to the first day of 4th grade and there she is. Denying ever saying she was moving to Texas. Her name was Autumn. It was awesome.
This New Year's Eve I'm going to play Finley Quaye...
In a perfect world baby Jayonce will be born at...
and the doctor will whisper “as it is written, so shall it be done” just loud enough for everyone to hear before raising the baby high above his head and screaming “AS IT IS WRITTEN, SO SHALL IT BE DONE” and laughing maniacally before handing it to the parents. I see no better way to possibly start 2012.
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Have you ever met someone who everyone loves?
Everyone thinks they are funny and cool and interesting and smart and terribly, impossibly attractive? And then you meet them and you think that their jokes are just… off and their stories are dull and they don’t get your jokes and, now that you mention it… they are kind of fug? That’s how I feel about Reubens.
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Only 312 more days until I have to actively hate...
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When I call songs "tracks" I feel cooler and...
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Kanye West // The New Workout Plan Always...
Things that taste good:
Not Diet Coke
Things that are good for you:
Not Diet Coke
Things I am currently drinking but have no idea why:
Diet Coke
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So for the amount that they publicly sing
I really think that neither joseph gordon-levitt nor zooey deschanel are very good at singing.
I mean, yes, they are good at singing for like… getting sauced up and doing some karaoke or singing Blink-182 songs to yourself in the shower but, I dunno?
I just don’t get it, maybe.
Life Update:
While working on applications I have found myself mentally and emotionally invested in Mario Lopez’s reality TV show, Saved by the Baby.
I had a good run, you guys.
I’ll miss you all.
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I've decided that, while thinking about Otherkin,...
that I will totally join the ranks of the Otherkin if they let me tell people that I am the internet.
My face might look human to you but my real face looks like B-)
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I'm pretty open to all different kinds of people
but if you don’t dance in your chair at least a little when listening to Conga by the Miami Sound Machine… well, I don’t think you are someone I want in my life.
Inside of every Jesse Cochran there is a Jesse...
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One of the best feelings is when you are having a...
and you realize it’s a dream and you’re like “TIME TO WAKE UP!” and you do. That happened to me last night when I dreamed I accidentally slammed my laptop shut while there was a marble (?) sitting on the keyboard and it wrecked it. What a great feeling. What a lame nightmare.
“Bella, put a coat on. There is snow EVERYWHERE. Didn’t you almost freeze...”
– Me, right now, while hating myself.
“Something Quicken this way comes.”
– A line from my screenplay, Harold Potter and the Half-Broke Prince
If you remembered to buy a box of Gushers even one...
Can you even imagine how much better your quality of life would be?
Can you improve a flawless movie?
If you replace a perfect song (the theme song to Jurassic Park) in a perfect movie (Jurassic Park) with another perfect song (Gloria Estefan & The Miami Sound Machine’s Rhythm Is Gonna Get You) could it make the movie a different variety of perfect?
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My Only Thoughts While Watching Game of Thrones
Ugh. This kid is the worst.
Hmm. I didn’t used to like this character…but now I do!
This character has been a badass from the beginning.
Mayor Carcetti!
NOOO! Don’t let them die. NOOOO!
That’s it. Those are my only thoughts, just applied to various characters.
Life Goal:
Become exactly famous enough that someone turns my life story into a hip-hopera.
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Ben Folds & Nick Hornby // Levi...
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I have major feelings about Game of Thrones, right...
MAJOR FEELINGS
This Christmas, Pitchfork said I gave one of the...
but they still rated me higher than Childish Gambino.
Every time someone says a movie other than Home...
they lie.
“Wait til the last minute! I promise everything will work out ok!”
– Evil Josh, luring me into a trap.
TV Show Idea:
In an effort to improve the ratings for a struggling sketch comedy television show NBC starts thinking outside the box and hires a group of aliens as the writing staff.
Working Title: 30 Rock from the Sun
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Blink 182 // Happy Holidays, You Bastard
Anonymous asked: Are you actually comparing yourself to a professional comedian?
Anonymous asked: You're stuck on an island and you get to choose 1 person to be stuck with. Who do you choose and why.