I thought I accidentally swallowed some gorilla...
It was an exciting waiting game that involved A LOT of thinking of my impending death
All the time I’m bummed out that superheroes aren’t real but once...– my roommate, connecting with me on a very real level
Anonymous asked: you have 1 wish and only 1 and you can't wish for more wishes. What is it
An opinion that isn't unpopular in the real world...
I really like listening to Eminem.
True Personal Fact:
My favorite jeans have gotten a hole in the crotch. This has not stopped me from wearing them.
He’s too stoned Nintendo– American Hi-Fi “Flavor of the Weak” (via worstlyricsever) True Story My freshman football team played this song and Cake’s Short Skirt Long Jacket everyday in the locker room over the speakers before our practices and games. We went 1-7.
My son and I had a picnic today.
sade: lieslieslies: Son: What’s that? Me: That thing over there? By the fountain? Son: Uh huh. Me: That’s a tandem bicycle. Son: What does tandem mean? Me: It means stupid. Son: And what’s that? Me: A tree. Those are all trees over there. Son: Who’s that guy on that building? Me: That big billboard? Son: Uh huh. Me: That’s Justin Timberlake pretending to be Steve Jobs. Son:...
Spoon // The Two Sides Of Monsieur Valentine
This Just In:
At 24 years old I have just now, no more than 30 seconds ago, learned how to spell calendar.
I just want to remind everyone that even though...
that doesn’t mean you need to stop saying Yo! Yo!vember is always with us, always in our hearts, no matter what name is going across the top of the calendar.
There is not a limited supply of good things that...
But just in case… I hope that the good things happen to me.
I just had a meatball sandwich and pumpkin pie for...
If ESPN's mission statement involves a long term...
ESPN is achieving its goals
The Black Keys // Sister
I'm watching Chopped right now (duh)
and every time someone says the word “fritter” I just imagine someone sitting on their porch with overalls and no shirt underneath and a gun sitting across their lap and mumbling about all the “g-dang fritters” running around the woods.
One of my favorite pizza places in town changed...
They are now: PepperBroni Pizza PepperBroni Pizza
True Personal Fact:
There was a period of my life (my sophomore year of high school) in which whenever I had to make a create-a-player for Madden or NCAA football or any video game I would name the character Rafe. This is 100% because at the time I thought Ben Affleck’s character in Pearl Harbor had a cool name.
Sometimes I get jealous of the B-) emoticon for...
What city in the US would you move to if you...
The Black Keys // Stop Stop
I'm gonna stop thinking of people as people and...
There are some people out there that I really don’t think need a reboot. Just let that particular franchise end.
I am a fan of booze.
But not in egg nog. Egg Nog is perfect without booze. Save the booze for pre- and post- nog drinks.
thatssufficientlyraven: who’s looking to move to brooklyn in january? hit me up, i need someone to take my place because i’m broke as shit. email@example.com Someone move to brooklyn so I can live vicariously through you
I just want to remind everyone who says that the...
the past 7 boring, no story episodes that it is possible to have a show with good episodes every week (and I’m not conceding that as a good episode, just the best of the season) exhibit a exhibit b
Do you ever worry that the internet was once an...
who made a rude and dismissive comment to a gypsy because he wasn’t in support of education so she cursed him and he turned into the internet, providing information to the entire world all day, everyday? But then do you worry that one day some beautiful princess will realize the way to break the curse is to kiss the internet, and she will, and he will turn back into a prince and then I will...
Learn from my mistakes
If you’ve spent more than 3 minutes in google image search looking at pictures of former MTV VJs, tyrannosauruses, and football coaches to make a Rex on Rex on Rex joke, take it from me no matter how funny you think it is in your head, the joke WILL. NOT. WORK. Nor will you trying a similar roast beef sandwich themed Rax on Rax on Rax joke. This has been a public service announcement
How to turn me into a laughing, bumbling idiot on...
Work at a student loan place Have me call you to ask if I can like… pay my loans back later cause I’m crazy broke and unemployed Tell me that I don’t have to start paying them back for six more months instead of 10 more days like I thought because I don’t know how to read
Rockapella // You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch
Nothing quite like the disappointment of making a...
and then finding someone made it literally like 3 minutes earlier.
Ways I'm Disgusting vol. 312
When eating Jell-O I find it almost impossible not to swish it around between my teeth and turning it into Jell-O juice before swallowing.
I am surprised that Bob Costas can see the...
In an effort to like a character on the walking...
I’m now putting it up to chance… first character to use the word “zombie” is my new favorite character.
I wish they would bring the show Sliders back on...
but tweak it a little bit so that the point of the show was jumping from one alternate universe to an other just to eat mini hamburgers. It would be like a sci-fi Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives
There are a lot of very bad quarterbacks playing...
I am a 24 year old grandfather.
I still don’t really “get” foursquare.
Do you think members of Fleetwood Mac call her...
I like to think so
In case you wanted to get bummed out by games that you’d otherwise have no interest in!
I don't think there is a strong enough word
to describe the incredible feeling of regret I have when thinking about the food that I didn’t eat on Thanksgiving because I was “too full”.
I've been thinking about it and I've decided that...
is someone else’s blood frozen and carved into a knife.
Marvin Gaye // I Heard It Through The Grapevine
thirdculturekid replied to your post: Pulling a Feeney i’m never sitting on an unpapered toilet again, even at home. For the record, you aren’t peeing ON the toilet… still inside, just not the water.