Worst Tumblr Ever.

postmodernism:

(2010-2010)

*by slowly I mean rapidly

Dripping.
With.
Class. 

Maggie would’ve told me “Bitch, please” about ten times today.

Go ahead and walk away from me when I call you!

You’ll be back when I have treats!

THEY ALWAYS COME BACK FOR TREATS! 

I have a distinct memory of being in 5th grade and sitting on the swing during recess.  

While swinging during recess I had my walkman with me and I was introspectively listening to Goo Goo Dolls - Iris, contemplating where I was at in my life.  

Again, the song was Iris and it was performed by the Goo Goo Dolls.  I would swing and think about my life up to that point, squinting my eyes and nodding knowingly along with certain lyrics.  

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your eyes
When everything seems like the movies
… wait for it…
yeah you bleed just to know your alive

Again, I was in 5th grade and this was during recess and once more.  Iris. Goo Goo Dolls.

It’s a good thing that time machines haven’t been invented yet because I would hate to have the memory of being in 5th grade and having a future version of myself come back and give me a swirly while yelling “Iris? Really?!? Really?!?!”

That’d be a hard memory to cope with.  

It’s almost midnight, I’m sitting on the couch in my parents living room.

 It’s approximately 1 billion degrees in here and I am wearing sweatpant shorts.  

I’m closing in on the first 1/2 hour of a 90 minute Teen Mom special and have every intention of making a root beer float before the end of the 90 minutes. 

I will probably end up on the floor sometime soon to use one of my dogs as a pillow (I feel they are both giving me the silent treatment at the moment).

So, my question is:  Are you guys jealous or SUPER jealous? 

• peanut butter
• pickles
• ginger ale
• root beer
• chocolate chip cookies
• a sucker
• and pulled pork

and I can’t find the remote, I am watching viva la bam.  

I feel it’s a pretty universal opinion that this show is the worst but there is one thing about it that especially annoys me.

Like, every episode he does something ~*wacky*~  to his parents, like changes the house into a skate space station or puts a gorilla in the kitchen or something.

And every episode his mother is stunned, stunned, that this is happening.  Even when I watched this show in high school I just wanted his parents to, instead of being like Oh my god, is it real? what is going on?!?, just be like.. for fuck’s sake Bam, can we just not do this today?  

I mean, I understand that this is the “plot” of the show and they need to keep up the gimmicks otherwise they would just be sitting around a lot, but,  for real how did this show stay on the air so long?

There’s no point to this post but I figure since my laziness has doomed me to a private hell of watching consecutive episodes of this I could at least vent to the internet about it. You’re all very welcome.  

My shirt from the drawnika contest by Chuck was totally waiting for me.   

Remember when I won? I didn’t remember, but now I do!

What I can assume will be only the dopest of pics will follow later.  

It’d be like a prostitute except tears instead of sex.

Mayonnaise? 

• pomegranate juice
• ginger ale
• gin 

say that you can tell someone’s true colors by how they treat the wait staff?

Well, this is totally true but this should also include flight attendants.

It’s pretty well documented on here about how I tend to be a dick more often than not, but for real? People that are jerks to flight attendants are the worst.

It also annoys me when they stonewall the ones that are telling you goodbye as you leave.

Be a normal person, you chodes! 

I : Home ::

A) Cheese : Gross
B) Devil : Jesus
C) Shark : Great White
D) My Luggage : Paris


(Correct answer - D)

get your chores done and make sure you finished your homework.

Daddy’s coming home. 

I don’t ask for much. 

I swear I don’t.  Nothing extravagant anyways.

This is important. To me.

Please.

Please.

Get Teenage Dream out of my head?

 

• Cleaning the apartment for inspection tomorrow morning
• Packing my suitcases
• trying to restore the settings on my ipod

In related news, if I have to fly across the atlantic without an ipod thursday morning, I PROMISE I will cry and shake the entire way.

I was walking down the street, minding my own business, jamming out to the Tron soundtrack, when I saw an old man across the street smiling and waving both his arms in the air like he was trying to get someone’s attention. 

I looked for who he might be trying to get the attention of and saw another old man walking ahead of me on the street with his head down.  It became clear to me that he was trying to get a hold of this man because… I’m not sure, all old men know each other?  Anyways, at the time it seemed obvious. 

So, I half jog up to this man and tap him on the shoulder.  The second my hand touched his coat it was as if a jolt of lightning surged through my body, informing me of a key fact that I had over looked in my odd attempt to be helpful.

We didn’t speak the same language.  I then tried to convey my meaning with an awful combination of half English, broken Polish, and unfortunately…hand gestures.

“Your friend (I then followed that by saying ‘your male friend’ in Polish) across the street (I throw in the word for street, mainly because I know it)… he wants you.”  

Here is where I point across the street, as me and the old man both look at where I am pointing and see, yup, no one there.  

By the time he turns back to face me I was already in the process of making the bad decision of miming out what the man across the street was doing.  So, he turns from me pointing at no one only to find me waving my arms wildly above my head smiling “he was doing this!” I say, to no avail.  ”You friend (your male friend).”

As the frown began to grow on the elderly man’s face I made the executive decision to put my ear phones back in, tell him “I’m sorry”, and speed walk away.

There is no moral to this story.